Friday, August 31, 2012

An Excuse AND a Rant. I Spoil You People.

I'm gonna be real with you folks right now. I haven't been online much lately. Not because I stopped caring about this blog-- on the contrary, I love writing for it and hope to do some guest blogging and building this site up in the coming months. But a lot of factors have been keeping me from contributing to this lately.

The wifi connection at my job sucks balls. I have zero techy skills and can't figure out what's wrong with my network adapter. Why is there a big red X between the little bench icon and the globe icon?? I have no goddamn idea! I click on the big red X and after loading a bunch of crap, it tells me to fuck with a modem I have no physical access to. ARRGHHHFUCKAGGRESSION!! On top of this, I just got a new, smaller laptop and the range is garbage. Even though the signal is five full bars and coming from right nextdoor, the fucking planets have to be aligned, Cthulhu must to rise out of his sleepytime grave and somehow magically force this thing to read the signal. *Sigh* You think it sucks for you, coming back here to check periodically and finding no updates? Imagine being stuck at a desk all night with no internet, and only old episodes of farscape and an illegally pirated copy of fishdom to keep you company. They don't pay me enough for this shit.

Another problem is health issues. Not sure if I've ever discussed this, but I have a condition known as epic spine fail. That's a technical term. I don't really like to talk about it, but it's sort of become an issue. Every 6 months I need to get epidurals in my lumbar spine just to continue working. In the months leading up to my next round of shots, the pain becomes increasingly bad and sitting for any length of time becomes unbearable. Cooking and food shopping get really difficult too, and I have nobody to help me. So when I'm in that state, keeping up with this site is damn near impossible. Usually once the shots are administered and the soreness goes away, I come back swinging for the fences.
This time the shots didn't go so well. The procedure was very, very hard on me, and this shitty work chair might as well be made of spikes. (This was partially due to squeezing in several root injections at once, and a moron resident who fucked up my IV three times. I look like a goddamn heroin addict right now!!)

Eh-hem. Anyway, I'm not telling you this to gain sympathy, I have no need for that. All I'm asking for is a little patience. I hope that in the next week or so I will be back to where I should be, so I can continue posting the insipid garbage you people don't even bother reading.

Not yet, anyway. SOON!

Friday, August 3, 2012

No Moo-Cow-Fuck-Milk in My Yogurt.

I'm on an inexhaustible quest to find dairy-free products that don't taste disgusting. Not because I'm lactose intolerant, I simply dislike it. This dislike goes way beyond that, especially as I grew into an adult and learned about all the horrible shit we do to cows during the milking process, both industrially, chemically and morally. There is no reason human beings should be ingesting the milk of another mammal. It's unhealthy and biologically disruptive, especially since they began using all those growth hormones and feeding cows stuff that makes them sick. I can get just as much calcium from a myriad of other, more wholesome sources without all that unnecessary fat. Aside from all these factors, to me it simply tastes like ass. Ever since I was a kid, I've hated cow milk. I used to lie and tell my teachers I was allergic, because they gave it to us all the time. Back in the good old days, we used to have parties in school with cake and were rewarded with cookies and milk when we did something well. Nobody worried about anybody getting fat or what kind of nasty poison they were putting in the cookies, and Cookie Monster had not yet began preaching his "sometimes food" bullshit that destroyed the damn show.

But I digress.

Milk was in everything, and the FDA pushed it on us like the neighborhood street pharmacist. Milk is good for your bones! It does a body good! Have four glasses of this shit a day! Milk was nasty ass butt toast of shit and I hated it the most out of everything drinkable on the earth, second only to tang. In fact, it took me a really long time to get used to cheese and yogurt for this reason. I still only like a small number of cheeses, and yogurts have to be loaded down with fruit and/or chocolate for me to touch them. Yet, I acknowledge that yogurt has cultures and stuff for my stomach and is good for me, plus I have the tooth issue. Now that all these food allergies are becoming a huge deal, companies are finally wisening up and putting out products that are dairy free, gluten free and soy free. There is an enormous market for them, mainly because the poisons in our food have messed us up so badly. In some cases, from birth.

My first stray from regular moo cow yogurt came in the form of this strawberry greek yogurt mess. It was in the middle of my shift, 3 in the morning and I found myself starving, in 7-11 and unprepared for lunch. I saw this thing and decided to give it a try. I knew that it's made with sheep's milk, it's lower in fat and it's supposed to lack that typical yogurt bitterness. Well, the taste was weird. Weirder than the thick, sour cream-like consistency. I ate most of it on the way back to my building out of sheer hunger but my stomach voided before I reached the front door. Ugh, it was awful. My body said, "fuck no" and just evicted the stuff like an ungrateful squatter, all over the sidewalk. Never, never again. Just the thought of trying it a 2nd time to make sure makes me sick to my stomach.

Alright, well my second dairy/gluten/soy free adventure in yogurt began when I laid eyes on this. It's yogurt made from coconut milk! At this point I had been drinking coconut milk for years and knew I loved the taste. I won't lie, my adventurous side went apeshit bonkers and I HAD to try it. Was it good? No. It wasn't as horribifuckus awful as the greek yogurt, but it took a lot of getting used to, and I barely finished it. As someone who loves anything coconut with a passion, this genuinely hurts me to say because I wanted to like it really badly. But I didn't. I even tired 3 different flavors just to be sure. Life is full of disappointments.

Next up to be experimented with was Swiss yogurt, which is still made with moo cow fuck milk, but lower fat, and without all those unnatural bovine hormones. I had the exact opposite experience as with the coconut-- I really liked this. Once I got over the initial strength of the foretaste, it became creamy, silky, dessert-ish and very flavorful. I was surprised. This is a rare treat because of how expensive and hard to find it is, but I would recommend this taste test to anyone. They even have some odd flavors you won't find much in other brands, like green apple, black cherry and apricot. Ideal for the adventure-seeking foodie. Kudos to emmi for making a moo cow fuck milk product I actually enjoy.


Next up on the list is almond yogurt, which is not easy to find on a google image search because of how new it is. I tried the strawberry Almond Breeze brand just earlier tonight from Whole Foods with some fresh assorted berries. Much like the swiss yogurt, it had a strong foretaste, (it was more like being punched in the forehead with the taste of almond) but mixed with the fruit it was divine. Now that I think about it, I never tried the coconut yogurt with fruit. Maybe I'll try it a 4th time this way, just for good measure. But yeah, almond yogurt is pretty good if you have it the right way, and really REALLY like almond. You can even bake with the stuff. It's sweet, creamy, much healthier for you and without all those harmful chemicals you won't even miss.


Soy yogurt. Sadly, I have never tried this, mainly because I haven't gotten up the nerve yet. I think if I'm going to try any flavor, it will be the chocolate. I just can't imagine strawberry soy tasting any good, mainly because I'm not a terribly huge fan of soy. But, for the sake of adventurism and being thorough, I will have to try this next time I visit Trader Joe's.

Rice yogurt is another one I haven't tried, but only because I just found out about it while doing google searches for this post. When I find it and give it a test drive, I'll be sure to let you know if it's any less disgusting than rice pasta.


If you have any experiences with these types of yogurt and want to add something, wanna point out that some of my past recipes have used cheese, or just generally wanna tell me what a cow bigot I am, feel free to comment. I won't hold it against you, in fact I would probably agree. I'm a much thinner, happier person since I stopped ingesting moo cow fuck milk. You should try cutting it out, or at least down as well. You might find you enjoy some of this stuff better.

Just so you know, the "Moo Cow Fuck Milk" phrase isn't mine. It belongs to the greatest comedian of our age. No arguments!! Lewis Black is the best!!! Fuck you and your Dane Cook.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

My First Smoothie. Ever

So, this was my first crack at Smoothie making. I took organic peaches, some random orange slices, honey dew melon and cantalope from a ready-made fruit salad, added a plum, goya pear nectar, about 2 Tbsp of honey, lime juice, ice cubes and mango yogurt. It was okay. 3 out of 5 stars. Not bad but I think I didn't pulse it well enough cos there were all sorts of little hard to eat particles in there that made it less than ideal. But still, not gonna give up, this is only the beginning. I'm hoping to make a pina colada one next. =D

There's no light in my kitchen. *Sigh* Anyway, I couldn't drink much of it so I put it into ice cube trays with toothpicks sticking out so my bf and I would have some cold sweets later on.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

From Misfortune Comes Adventure

Behold, my awesome new blender. It's called The Ninja, and it's a thousand Watts of stainless steel kickassness, perfect for all your every day smoothie making and dead body disposing needs.

I tried to make it bigger but my resizing just made the picture grainy. Fuck it, you get the idea. This is what I get for using my shitty cameraphone.

So anyway, yeah. I've been having a lot of issues with my tooth so eating solid food has become problematic. It's a long saga, but suffice it to say it took an entire month to have the crater in my tooth filled in and the process isn't over yet so I'll be sipping most of my meals through a straw for a while. Ergo, I needed a blender. I've never made my own smoothie before, nor do I know jack shit about smoothie making, so this is going to be a fucking adventure.

Stay tuned to see what I manage to blow up first; the machine or my kitchen

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Let's Talk Triangoli.

There are some underrated foods out there. Foods so good you can eat them plain, and can dress them up however and they still taste fantastic. I've discovered Trader Giotto's Butternut Squash Triangoli, and their awesomeness is off the charts.

It's from Trader Joe's, and if you haven't already been there, make plans to go very soon. Possibly today, because it will be raining monday and tuesday like a bitch. (At least here in NY) Is it really from Italy? Is the produce really organic? Nobody knows because the company is notoriously tight-lipped about where they get their supplies. All I know is that I can get stuff like this, microwaveable falafel, spicy lobster sushi rolls, a pint of chocolate ice cream made from coconut milk, olive tapenade, pea sprouts, fruit leather, creamy almond butter and about two dozen other, gourmet-level items suffed into two large paper shopping bags, all for under $30. I mean, this is like the Whole Foods for hipsters with a hometown feel. It's always crowded as hell but the prices and quality of the foods are well worth it to me. As for whether the food is what they say it is, and from where they say it's from, a large part of me is willing to live in blissful ignorance for now.

As long as I get to make meals like this a few times a week:

That's what I had before work today, and it was awesome. Better than awesome. So simple to make too. 

1 Tbsp non-hydrogenated margarine, like Smart Balance
6 Butternut Squash Triangolis
1 1/2 cup raw Spinach
1 cup Pea shoots
Handful of cherry tomatoes, quartered
2 Tbsps Lime juice
1 Cup chopped Cilantro
1 Tbsp minced garlic
1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup chopped Cippolini onions. (in case you don't know what they look like, here's a pic.)

Just like the powder, they're really sweet and delicious. But watch out, they're just as caustic to chop as regular onions. If you can't find cippolinis, regular small yellow onions will do.

Boil the triangolis for about 3-5 minutes until soft. In the meantime, melt the margarine in a separate saute' pan. Add the onions, garlic and spinach. Stir until slightly caramelized and the spinach is wilted, about 3-4 minutes. Add the triangolis once they're done. Add the lime juice, cherry tomatoes, worcestershire sauce and cilantro. Saute' until blended and heated through, another 2-3 minutes. Add the pea sprouts raw when everything is arranged on the plate. You may add them to the pan the last minute or so to warm them up but they are best when crunchy. 

One package has about 3 servings worth of pasta in it, which means more awesome meals!

I made this earlier in the week. The only difference to this recipe is that it uses lemon juice, white wine, plum tomatoes, swiss chard and zucchini. Ugh, it came out so freakin' good. Eating like this is really helping me too. As of this week, I'm down to 165 lbs. Finally starting to see the shape I so enjoyed in my early 20's. I have about 20 lbs left to lose. Would you believe Tammy had me blown up to 220 lbs? At my height, it made me look like a sausage. *Shudders* I'll never go back. Thank you, Trader Joe's for showing me that good food doesn't always have to be steak and potatoes!

You should totally check them out.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Brown Rice And Beaners

Yeah, I had some leftover vegetarian beans from a small can I opened for something or other. Also made a fuckton of brown Rice for me to heat up during the week. Put the two together, sprinkle some fresh cilantro, onion or cippolini powder, adobo and lime juice... you got dinner. Or in my case, breakfast. I know I should probably be having more meat or greens with it, but truthfully this is about all I can stomach right now. Gimmie like 2 hours and I'll be craving a 7 course meal. LOL

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Filling Up On Veggies

This is the dish that has yet to be named. Its an accompaniment to frozen shrimp specially designed to fill me up hardcore and overload my body with soluble fiber which I know I'm not getting enough of. This is a haphazard, unplanned combination of bok choy, zucchini, squash, spinach, swiss chard, fresh chives, garlic, cilantro and scallions, sautéed in a mixture of white cooking wine, lemon juice, non-hydrogenated margarine,  worcestershire sauce and dried dill. I also have my ultimate secret weapon which I only added a dash of-- cippolini powder! If you've never tasted it, you don't know what you're missing!

Imagine onion powder, but ground much finer, with a taste so sweet - sweeter than shallots- so sweet you can candy five-alarm chili with it. I make a sweet, smoky chili to begin with so I can't wait to try making it using this! The challenging part will be if it tends to make normally savory dishes a little too sweet. Gotta find the right balance. I just got the damn thing yesterday, indulge a guy some time to experiment, would ya'??
Look at the bright side, you can laugh at me when I screw up. Now go eat your veggies, dammit.

Madison Square Eats...And So Do I.

I love being a foodie in NYC. If I was a foodie anywhere else, my gawd, it would be torture. I'd actually need to come here to experience real bagels, pizza, Chinese and Indian food anyway.

Although being in Maine does have it's benefits, if you recall the lobster roll post from 2010... I'll get back to that in a bit. May is an awesome month, isn't it? Mild weather, green markets galore and tons of edible events like Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution Day, coming up on the 19th, and Madison Square Eats on Broadway and 25th street in Manhattan's flatiron district. When I read about all the vendors that were going to be there in one place, serving their famous morsels to the public, I knew I had to try it out. And hell, it's been too damn long since I've done an excursion for this blog anyways.

I couldn't sleep at all so I just got up and went out. That's typical for me. And look, there it is from afar! Aren't you excited?? I sure was, I saw it from across the street, missed the light and wanted to spread my ass cheeks and fly across traffic.

Eventually, the light turned again and I made it. This is the entrance sign with a complete list of which vendors are available. Sadly, I was only allowing myself a couple small treats so I had to be very picky. And believe me... temptation was EVERYWHERE.


Well, no. I resisted. I may not like being hungry but I have complete control over what I allow to quell that hunger.

Thankfully, I'm not tempted by canolis because I don't like them. And yet I grew up in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn which is almost as Italian as Little Italy. (At least it was in those days) Go figure.

But BBQ Mexican? Yeah, now we're talkin'.

Despite it all being crammed so close together, there was quite a lot to choose from so I knew being good and sticking to my whole new healthy lifestyle would pose a serious challenge.

What shocked me more than anything was how ridiculously expensive everything was. A burger and fries $19. Soup $15. Personal pizza $14. Tons of other gourmet shit that ran as much as $25. This Chinese place was the cheapest place I saw, which is why I had to shoot it. Though... Chinese? I live near friggin' Little Chinatown, I could get that crap anytime. No, I made a special trip here and I was determined to get something I couldn't get anywhere else.

My solution? Macaroons. Not the mounds of shredded coconut, no. These are artisan, fancy shmancy french macaroons that I always hear about but are too expensive for me to afford. They have National Macaroon day sometime in Feb or March where they give these suckers away for free but I'm a fucknugget and I always miss it. So I've never tried them. I asked the lady at the Macaron Parlor which one I should try to break my cherry and she suggested a simple flavor like pistachio or caramel. Going with the pistachio flavor for a whopping $3.50... yes, for that little fucking pastry, they wanted $3.50 and I paid it like a schmuck. "Can't put a price on a new experience, right?" I told myself as I shelled out the cash, gritting my teeth like the stereotypical Jew.

Ladies and Gents, behold: the french macaroon. Sort of like a pretentious, gourmet whoopie pie for yuppie douchebags. There's real cream inside that little green sandwich. My first bite was misleading. For some strange reason I thought these things would be crunchy or at least gummy. But no, it was light and airy, like eating a little pistachio flavored cloud. I was however, slightly disappointed in the taste. I've had pistachio flavored things. There's this deli on New Utrecht avenue that sells the most mouthwatering, amazing pistachio muffin tops you'll ever have. But this? Meh, not impressed. Especially not for $3.50. They could at least pack a whollup of flavor into these little cakeballs. Still can't difinitively decide whether I liked it or not. For  the time being, I'm giving it a 3 out of 5 stars, equally because of the price and my astonishing underwhem-ment.

Now, onto the main course!

You remember back in 2010 I went with Tamara and her family to New England and tried Lobster for the first time in the form of one of these? It was really, really good. I was genuinely surprised at how good it was; it was like my tongue just got laid. Been longing to duplicate that ever since and knew a trip back to Maine was unlikely. So when I saw Red Hook's Lobster Pound stand was selling Lobster rolls Maine style, (which I guess includes lemon-infused mayonnaise) well, I went bonkers. Yeah, it was a hefty $16, but to have that taste again? I'd have probably paid $20.

I know exactly what you're going to say, and you're right. Much like having a Philly Cheesesteak from a Pakistani street cart in Montauk, it was not the same. It wasn't even in the same ballpark of the same. It wasn't even in same's hemisphere. If you can take a good look at what they did here, you will understand why. First of all, it didn't have that sweet, melt-in-your-mouth goodness the Maine lobster roll had. I couldn't taste it very much at all. The lemon was so subtle, it was practically absent. In fact, I couldn't taste anything over the loads of paprika they ladeled over the fucking thing.

The worst part was the sheer laziness of the chefs. That's supposed to be lobster SALAD. You're supposed to chop up the lobster in lobster SALAD. You wouldn't presume to serve tuna salad with giant dry chunks, would you?? As a result, this was difficult to eat. It was stringy, chewy and the citrus and mayo element didn't play any part in the taste at all. It was just big, dry chunks of bland fish that didn't even really taste like lobster. Tasted more like imitation lobster. That, and fucktons of that goddamn paprika. I was so disappointed. I'm giving it 1 out of 5 stars simply because it was barely edible. It didn't even quell my hunger. I'm actually pissed off at these people for unleashing such a horrible representation of this dish onto this world. And for $16??? For shame.

So.... whatever. Since I was angry, still very hungry and looking to finally be wowed by these supposed gourmet chefs already, I went back like a masochist and tried another stand. But since I shelled out so much for the first thing, I didn't have much left for another full meal. I saw a stand selling gourmet riceballs. Yeah, they were deep fried, but they were also like $4 and I was hoping the rice in them would finally settle my turbulent tummy.

The riceballs in the typical Brooklyn pizzaria don't look terribly different from this. They're about 2x bigger stuffed with ground beef, mozzarella cheese and sometimes even fresh peas, depending on where you go. This was actually quite refreshing. All the ones I initially picked were sold out so I chose one stuffed with pesto, paraesano cheese and sliced cherry tomatoes. I'm giving it a 4 out of 5 because the flavor was there, it was filling and easy to eat. Though I am taking a star off because deep fried is never good, and $4 for this little thing was a bit steep. Like I said, I could get one twice as big back in Brooklyn for half the price. I suppose the "gourmet" title affords you a certain level of price gouging, especially in Manhattan.

I had a few bucks leftover and I felt like I was finally on a winning streak, so I did something I don't usually do, which a few of you may find hard to believe.
Yeah, for those who don't know, I'm not much on frozen desserts. I like red bean ice cream from Japanese restaurants, but regular ice cream, especially soft serve makes me ill, I can't stand it. Likewise with most sherberts and shaved ices. I do recall liking those old frozen fruit bars I used to get from ice cream trucks. Do you remember those? I can't find pics of them on google. May not even be getting the name right. Oh well. Anyway, this was from a stand called People's Pops. It's strawberry rhubarb, made with organic, locally grown produce, yada yada, yackidy shmackidy, the whole hipster deal. All I know is, this wasn't bad. I rather enjoyed it, which is more than I can say for anything Haagen Daaz puts out. So yeah, 4 out of 5 stars for them too. If I was a huge fan of frozen fair, it would be a 5 out of 5. So far, the highest ranking item on the menu.

And I suppose if we were holding a contest here, they would be the winner. Just so happens it's dessert. Coincidence? Hmmmm.... maaayybeeee.

Would I go back? Sure, I have lots of other stuff to waste my money on, and lots more reviews to write! But before you go, I have a few more photos to show you, because my night didn't end there.

Inside Madison Square Park proper is a more permenant food stand. The line was ridiculously long, it was all greasy burgers, fries and shakes I couldn't have anyway, and I was now flat broke.

There was an..... um.... I guess an art exhibit of some sort. Can't really see because my camera sucks. It was too light for the flash and too dark for anything to come out clearly. Even if you could see, I doubt you'd be able to identify what these sculptures were supposed to be anyways.

Parodies of birds? Animals? WTF??

I know I went to art school and all, but that doesn't mean I will "get" every artist. And just because I don't "get" somebody work doesn't mean it's actually art. So I reiterate... yeah. WTF. Seriously, all I know is that whole portion of the park was inaccessable because of this bullshit.

Hurm. What's this? Drums, dancing, people holding signs, selling t-shirts and sleeping on the floor? Gotta be an occupy demonstration.

I must admit, I'm around the Union Square area a lot more often than I visit Madison Square. There's just more cool shit around here, like Maoz, Forbidden Planet, the Strand, Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. It's a hipster haven and yet, ya' can't argue that they know good shit when they see it. Also, just a short walk from St. Mark's Place, where I've been hanging out since I was like 13. lol

The demo was really cool though. It was ultra crowded and crazy loud. This dude was awesome, he draws all these posters and makes the t-shirts himself. I got a free hug, flyers, stickers and got hit up for money 3 times on my way through the park. I need to hand it to these guys. You can bash them all you want but they're fighting for all of us; anyone who looks at a $22 dish from a street cart and thinks, "are they out of their fucking minds?" Remember that the 1% owns the media so don't let them paint OWS as lazy, violent schitzo bums. They're warriors who have had their lives ripped apart by corporate greed. The Revolutionary War started off with protests and riots too. Without them, we'd all still be speaking the Queen's English. Show some love and respect.

 Oh yes, and weed. Can't forget the weed. Ever since Obama unleashed the petition bandwagon onto the American people, he's received more to legalize pot than anything else. Can you imagine getting this one in the mail? It's a giant... I'm guessing dropcloth? with hundreds of signatures on it. No, I didn't sign, they aren't going to legalize it no matter how many petitions they send because arrests for possession of weed accounts for something like 70% of police funding.

And what better way for me to bring this long-winded blog to a close than a bunch of rescue kittens? The woman who set this up gets these babies from the streets. They're left in the garbage, trapped in drainage pipes, inside walls, abandoned by their mother in alleyways, and she takes them all to her house and feeds them.

I gave her my last $1.35 because I'm a big sap for causes like this.

I mean, c'mon. Lookit that adorable little face. Wouldn't you??

Well, that's about it. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed my culinary misadventure a lot more than I enjoyed that shitty lobster roll.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What to do with shitty Casamiento

I ordered from this local El Salvadorian restaurant Sunday night, because I'm a new yorker and I can do that. Well, not only were they an hour late with the food, but everything was mad greasy and bland. If you've never had Casamiento before, it's a hearty rice and beans dish that's supposed to be flavorful and delicious- if done right. This was flat, uniform purple, no veggies thrown in, no spice. It was disgusting. Yet I hate wasting food, so I needed to somehow make this slop edible.

It was surprisingly easy. Pico de Gallo would have been a good option but I didn't have any, so I diced up about a half an onion, a half a red bell pepper, 3 gloves of garlic and about a cup of fresh cilantro. Cooking sprayed the pan, got it real hot. Sauteed the veggies with the leftover Casamiento until hot. Added about 2 Tbsp Franks Red Hot (love that sauce, I could put it on everything), 1/4 cup lime juice and the cilantro at the very last moment. Heat through another 30 seconds, mix well and voila! You got what Casamiento is supposed to be; bold, packed with hearty deliciousness and it will even have a decent kick. Add more sauce and even some jalapeño peppers if you want it mas picanté.

And if you live out somewhere in Carajoland without El Salvadorian restaurants, I suggest you try making Casamiento yourself. If I wasn't posting from my phone I would link you a few good recipies... but seriously, this isn't your first rodeo, I'm sure you know how to work Google all by yourself.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

A few things I forgot to mention

Good news:

I found some pics I took of meals I made in between last Thanksgiving and when I finally got my internet back. So I thought since I have a lot to make up for, I would post them here and list the recipes as well as I remember them... or at least the basic idea.

This is something really quick and easy I whipped up while at my love's house. It's noodles, chopped broccoli, mushrooms and cubed chicken, and I used a can of Campbell's roasted garlic cream of mushroom soup for the sauce. Threw some lemon juice, white wine and non-hydrogenated margarine in there to add dimension to it. The whole thing took like, 15 minutes to make. It was pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I've made this a few times with varying vegetables, I like to add stuff like red bell pepper, black beans and fresh parsley for color.

Yes, I made him rabbit. It's not something I make too much so I basically just pulled a random recipe out of my ass. Not literally, that would be gross. I did post it on my grouprecipes page, here. I needed to record it somewhere because by now I have completely forgotten what I did. The recipe above it is up there along with a bunch of other stuff I did, like my very first Salsa Verde. That came out AMAZING.

I don't think I ever put this up anywhere. I made this for myself very soon after Tams left, to prove to myself that I can still cook for just me. The hillshire farm smoked turkey kielbasa is something I very quickly got addicted to because it's quick, easy, versitle, low-calorie and tasty as hell. This is the turkey sausage coined and sauteed with homemade fried rice (white rice, rice wine vinegar, toasted sesame oil and soy sauce) with garbanzo beans, peas and black sesame seeds for garnish. It was sinfully good. Later I learned how much fat gets snuck in through the oil and I cut down on making it this way.

Instead, I make it this way now:

Forgive the poor picture quality, this is my crappy cell phone. Can't say I recall the exact recipe for this either, but it involves something I recently discovered by cruising the local green markets; sprouts. Oh yes, sprouts are like eating babies. But so is edamame, and that stuff is delicious! This includes mung bean sprouts and sunflower sprouts. Later I went onto using my favorite, pea sprouts! They are the best, they can be cooked any way and go with everything. They are packed with nutrients and so much flavor. The other stuff in there is all organic produce, multi colored fingerling potatoes, kale and jeruselum artichokes. It sounds fancy shmancy but it was really, really good.

Something more recent, this is double-spinach ravioli that I got ready made and just added some toppings to it. My love recently introduced me to farmer's cheese so I've been getting the no salt added variety and using it with pasta instead of the cream of mushroom soup. It's especially good when mixed with equal parts garlic pesto and added to pasta. Throw on some halved cherry tomatoes, fresh chives and pow, instant gourmet meal.

So far I've lost about 80 lbs since that fat whore left. Most of that I attribute it to my new healthy lifestyle. I have a bit more to lose and still feel like a lardass, but I know I'm mostly there. I just have to kick this restaurant habit , my newfound love for handpulled noodles, and stuff like this:

and I'll be alright. lol

Friday, April 20, 2012

A Happy Accident- Sorta.

Alright, so I was really stoked about meat day. I was all prepared to completely fuck my diet up it's ass and have tons of dead cow to clog my arteries and make my depression go away for a while. My friend and I met up, we looked all around for this stupid fucking Carnegie John's meat cart but it wasn't there. It's not even that we didn't see it, because we asked around figuring the locals would all know about it considering it's supposedly such a hot thing, but none of the people I asked had a goddamn clue what I was talking about.o either the memory of this place has been unmade in everyone else's brains but mine, the location on the website was incorrect, or nobody I talked to have two fucking brain cells to rub together for warmth.

I was tired, hungry and feeling mighty homicidal, so after looking around at all the overpriced bistros and fish places, (the smell of fish now having gotten me out of the mood for red meat) we decided on the Brooklyn Diner since my friend had never been there. Well, whatever. The Brooklyn Diner is pretty much an old standard for me since I used to work around the central park west area. It's a horrible thing to have to get lunch there on a budget because nothing halfway edible costs less than $15 unless you get a dirty water dog, a roll with butter and a bag of potato chips, or something off the dollar menu. I was actually thrilled to hear that Carnegie John's offered Midtowners the option of a $5 burger. That's brilliant, providing it actually exists. I'm not so convinced anymore.

As far as prices go, the Brooklyn Diner is just like all it's neighbors, having the gall to charge around $18 for a cheeseburger and fries. The first time I paid this much for a burger, it was at Planet Hollywood in the early 90's and the jew in me had a fit about it for over a week. But my friend and I got to share a white chocolate sundae because we remembered the theme from Laverne and Shirley. lol That was back when I could actually stomach ice cream. Anyway, I digress.

I was still trying to be good, and wanted to try something new so I got the salmon burger. My GAWD, was this good. I mean, good isn't even the word, it was delicious and I savored every juicy, flavorful bite. I didn't even need the tartar sauce because the creamy avacado and the fresh lemon juice made it more than moist enough. But I got the split pea soup because I just didn't want the french fries. They charged me $2.50 extra. It had little pieces of fucking hot dog in it. Not ham, or bacon, or anything artisanny, no. Fucking hot dog. This didn't fully shock me because many years ago when my mother was alive, she took me here and I got spaghetti and meatballs. Well, I was horrified to find little pieces of bologna stuffed into my meatballs, and I like bologna even less than I like hot dogs. I mean... who fucking does that? You can't charge $20 for a plate of meatballs and fucking spaghetti and to save money or be slick, or whatever the fuck drove you to stuff goddamn bologna into your mother fucking meatballs. It's morally bankrupt. They should be ashamed of themselves. And putting fucking pieces of hot dog into a perfectly good bowl of split pea soup, well, that's plain out criminal. I took off two stars from my review just for that. Fucking hot dogs. What did they, look around like, "Chingao, we're all out of applewood smoked bacon! What are we gonna do??" and another mexican was like, "Just cut up the hot dogs in it, meng. Nobody's ordering them anyway."

And the worst part is, I looked all the calorie info up on my nutrition site. The salmon burger, large sesame seed bun, 3 slices of avacado, 1 slice of tomato, fresh lemon juice and bowl of split pea soup added up to over 1,490 calories and 96 grams of fat. That's like.... 2/3rds of my daily calorie allowance and way over my fat allowance, in one sitting. That's not even including what they might have cooked the burger in. So uncool. Good thing I walked over 4 miles afterwards because I'm really sick of being a fat piece of shit. Right now I'm glad I couldn't find that cart because I can't imagine how much worse the rib eye steak sandwich would have been. But seriously, I think it's time I stepped away from restaurant food for a while and go back to cooking. That's what you freaks come here for after all, ain't it??