Friday, April 20, 2012

A Happy Accident- Sorta.

Alright, so I was really stoked about meat day. I was all prepared to completely fuck my diet up it's ass and have tons of dead cow to clog my arteries and make my depression go away for a while. My friend and I met up, we looked all around for this stupid fucking Carnegie John's meat cart but it wasn't there. It's not even that we didn't see it, because we asked around figuring the locals would all know about it considering it's supposedly such a hot thing, but none of the people I asked had a goddamn clue what I was talking about.o either the memory of this place has been unmade in everyone else's brains but mine, the location on the website was incorrect, or nobody I talked to have two fucking brain cells to rub together for warmth.

I was tired, hungry and feeling mighty homicidal, so after looking around at all the overpriced bistros and fish places, (the smell of fish now having gotten me out of the mood for red meat) we decided on the Brooklyn Diner since my friend had never been there. Well, whatever. The Brooklyn Diner is pretty much an old standard for me since I used to work around the central park west area. It's a horrible thing to have to get lunch there on a budget because nothing halfway edible costs less than $15 unless you get a dirty water dog, a roll with butter and a bag of potato chips, or something off the dollar menu. I was actually thrilled to hear that Carnegie John's offered Midtowners the option of a $5 burger. That's brilliant, providing it actually exists. I'm not so convinced anymore.

As far as prices go, the Brooklyn Diner is just like all it's neighbors, having the gall to charge around $18 for a cheeseburger and fries. The first time I paid this much for a burger, it was at Planet Hollywood in the early 90's and the jew in me had a fit about it for over a week. But my friend and I got to share a white chocolate sundae because we remembered the theme from Laverne and Shirley. lol That was back when I could actually stomach ice cream. Anyway, I digress.

I was still trying to be good, and wanted to try something new so I got the salmon burger. My GAWD, was this good. I mean, good isn't even the word, it was delicious and I savored every juicy, flavorful bite. I didn't even need the tartar sauce because the creamy avacado and the fresh lemon juice made it more than moist enough. But I got the split pea soup because I just didn't want the french fries. They charged me $2.50 extra. It had little pieces of fucking hot dog in it. Not ham, or bacon, or anything artisanny, no. Fucking hot dog. This didn't fully shock me because many years ago when my mother was alive, she took me here and I got spaghetti and meatballs. Well, I was horrified to find little pieces of bologna stuffed into my meatballs, and I like bologna even less than I like hot dogs. I mean... who fucking does that? You can't charge $20 for a plate of meatballs and fucking spaghetti and to save money or be slick, or whatever the fuck drove you to stuff goddamn bologna into your mother fucking meatballs. It's morally bankrupt. They should be ashamed of themselves. And putting fucking pieces of hot dog into a perfectly good bowl of split pea soup, well, that's plain out criminal. I took off two stars from my review just for that. Fucking hot dogs. What did they, look around like, "Chingao, we're all out of applewood smoked bacon! What are we gonna do??" and another mexican was like, "Just cut up the hot dogs in it, meng. Nobody's ordering them anyway."

And the worst part is, I looked all the calorie info up on my nutrition site. The salmon burger, large sesame seed bun, 3 slices of avacado, 1 slice of tomato, fresh lemon juice and bowl of split pea soup added up to over 1,490 calories and 96 grams of fat. That's like.... 2/3rds of my daily calorie allowance and way over my fat allowance, in one sitting. That's not even including what they might have cooked the burger in. So uncool. Good thing I walked over 4 miles afterwards because I'm really sick of being a fat piece of shit. Right now I'm glad I couldn't find that cart because I can't imagine how much worse the rib eye steak sandwich would have been. But seriously, I think it's time I stepped away from restaurant food for a while and go back to cooking. That's what you freaks come here for after all, ain't it??

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