Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What to do with shitty Casamiento

I ordered from this local El Salvadorian restaurant Sunday night, because I'm a new yorker and I can do that. Well, not only were they an hour late with the food, but everything was mad greasy and bland. If you've never had Casamiento before, it's a hearty rice and beans dish that's supposed to be flavorful and delicious- if done right. This was flat, uniform purple, no veggies thrown in, no spice. It was disgusting. Yet I hate wasting food, so I needed to somehow make this slop edible.

It was surprisingly easy. Pico de Gallo would have been a good option but I didn't have any, so I diced up about a half an onion, a half a red bell pepper, 3 gloves of garlic and about a cup of fresh cilantro. Cooking sprayed the pan, got it real hot. Sauteed the veggies with the leftover Casamiento until hot. Added about 2 Tbsp Franks Red Hot (love that sauce, I could put it on everything), 1/4 cup lime juice and the cilantro at the very last moment. Heat through another 30 seconds, mix well and voila! You got what Casamiento is supposed to be; bold, packed with hearty deliciousness and it will even have a decent kick. Add more sauce and even some jalapeño peppers if you want it mas picanté.

And if you live out somewhere in Carajoland without El Salvadorian restaurants, I suggest you try making Casamiento yourself. If I wasn't posting from my phone I would link you a few good recipies... but seriously, this isn't your first rodeo, I'm sure you know how to work Google all by yourself.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

A few things I forgot to mention

Good news:

I found some pics I took of meals I made in between last Thanksgiving and when I finally got my internet back. So I thought since I have a lot to make up for, I would post them here and list the recipes as well as I remember them... or at least the basic idea.

This is something really quick and easy I whipped up while at my love's house. It's noodles, chopped broccoli, mushrooms and cubed chicken, and I used a can of Campbell's roasted garlic cream of mushroom soup for the sauce. Threw some lemon juice, white wine and non-hydrogenated margarine in there to add dimension to it. The whole thing took like, 15 minutes to make. It was pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I've made this a few times with varying vegetables, I like to add stuff like red bell pepper, black beans and fresh parsley for color.

Yes, I made him rabbit. It's not something I make too much so I basically just pulled a random recipe out of my ass. Not literally, that would be gross. I did post it on my grouprecipes page, here. I needed to record it somewhere because by now I have completely forgotten what I did. The recipe above it is up there along with a bunch of other stuff I did, like my very first Salsa Verde. That came out AMAZING.

I don't think I ever put this up anywhere. I made this for myself very soon after Tams left, to prove to myself that I can still cook for just me. The hillshire farm smoked turkey kielbasa is something I very quickly got addicted to because it's quick, easy, versitle, low-calorie and tasty as hell. This is the turkey sausage coined and sauteed with homemade fried rice (white rice, rice wine vinegar, toasted sesame oil and soy sauce) with garbanzo beans, peas and black sesame seeds for garnish. It was sinfully good. Later I learned how much fat gets snuck in through the oil and I cut down on making it this way.

Instead, I make it this way now:

Forgive the poor picture quality, this is my crappy cell phone. Can't say I recall the exact recipe for this either, but it involves something I recently discovered by cruising the local green markets; sprouts. Oh yes, sprouts are like eating babies. But so is edamame, and that stuff is delicious! This includes mung bean sprouts and sunflower sprouts. Later I went onto using my favorite, pea sprouts! They are the best, they can be cooked any way and go with everything. They are packed with nutrients and so much flavor. The other stuff in there is all organic produce, multi colored fingerling potatoes, kale and jeruselum artichokes. It sounds fancy shmancy but it was really, really good.

Something more recent, this is double-spinach ravioli that I got ready made and just added some toppings to it. My love recently introduced me to farmer's cheese so I've been getting the no salt added variety and using it with pasta instead of the cream of mushroom soup. It's especially good when mixed with equal parts garlic pesto and added to pasta. Throw on some halved cherry tomatoes, fresh chives and pow, instant gourmet meal.

So far I've lost about 80 lbs since that fat whore left. Most of that I attribute it to my new healthy lifestyle. I have a bit more to lose and still feel like a lardass, but I know I'm mostly there. I just have to kick this restaurant habit , my newfound love for handpulled noodles, and stuff like this:

and I'll be alright. lol

Friday, April 20, 2012

A Happy Accident- Sorta.

Alright, so I was really stoked about meat day. I was all prepared to completely fuck my diet up it's ass and have tons of dead cow to clog my arteries and make my depression go away for a while. My friend and I met up, we looked all around for this stupid fucking Carnegie John's meat cart but it wasn't there. It's not even that we didn't see it, because we asked around figuring the locals would all know about it considering it's supposedly such a hot thing, but none of the people I asked had a goddamn clue what I was talking about.o either the memory of this place has been unmade in everyone else's brains but mine, the location on the website was incorrect, or nobody I talked to have two fucking brain cells to rub together for warmth.

I was tired, hungry and feeling mighty homicidal, so after looking around at all the overpriced bistros and fish places, (the smell of fish now having gotten me out of the mood for red meat) we decided on the Brooklyn Diner since my friend had never been there. Well, whatever. The Brooklyn Diner is pretty much an old standard for me since I used to work around the central park west area. It's a horrible thing to have to get lunch there on a budget because nothing halfway edible costs less than $15 unless you get a dirty water dog, a roll with butter and a bag of potato chips, or something off the dollar menu. I was actually thrilled to hear that Carnegie John's offered Midtowners the option of a $5 burger. That's brilliant, providing it actually exists. I'm not so convinced anymore.

As far as prices go, the Brooklyn Diner is just like all it's neighbors, having the gall to charge around $18 for a cheeseburger and fries. The first time I paid this much for a burger, it was at Planet Hollywood in the early 90's and the jew in me had a fit about it for over a week. But my friend and I got to share a white chocolate sundae because we remembered the theme from Laverne and Shirley. lol That was back when I could actually stomach ice cream. Anyway, I digress.

I was still trying to be good, and wanted to try something new so I got the salmon burger. My GAWD, was this good. I mean, good isn't even the word, it was delicious and I savored every juicy, flavorful bite. I didn't even need the tartar sauce because the creamy avacado and the fresh lemon juice made it more than moist enough. But I got the split pea soup because I just didn't want the french fries. They charged me $2.50 extra. It had little pieces of fucking hot dog in it. Not ham, or bacon, or anything artisanny, no. Fucking hot dog. This didn't fully shock me because many years ago when my mother was alive, she took me here and I got spaghetti and meatballs. Well, I was horrified to find little pieces of bologna stuffed into my meatballs, and I like bologna even less than I like hot dogs. I mean... who fucking does that? You can't charge $20 for a plate of meatballs and fucking spaghetti and to save money or be slick, or whatever the fuck drove you to stuff goddamn bologna into your mother fucking meatballs. It's morally bankrupt. They should be ashamed of themselves. And putting fucking pieces of hot dog into a perfectly good bowl of split pea soup, well, that's plain out criminal. I took off two stars from my review just for that. Fucking hot dogs. What did they, look around like, "Chingao, we're all out of applewood smoked bacon! What are we gonna do??" and another mexican was like, "Just cut up the hot dogs in it, meng. Nobody's ordering them anyway."

And the worst part is, I looked all the calorie info up on my nutrition site. The salmon burger, large sesame seed bun, 3 slices of avacado, 1 slice of tomato, fresh lemon juice and bowl of split pea soup added up to over 1,490 calories and 96 grams of fat. That's like.... 2/3rds of my daily calorie allowance and way over my fat allowance, in one sitting. That's not even including what they might have cooked the burger in. So uncool. Good thing I walked over 4 miles afterwards because I'm really sick of being a fat piece of shit. Right now I'm glad I couldn't find that cart because I can't imagine how much worse the rib eye steak sandwich would have been. But seriously, I think it's time I stepped away from restaurant food for a while and go back to cooking. That's what you freaks come here for after all, ain't it??

Carnegie John's Tonight-- Hell to the Yeah!

Meeting a friend in midtown tonight while attempting to have a social life outside of work. We're gonna get our grub on and sit and relax in central park, so here's to hoping it doesn't spontaneously rain like it did wednesday. And since I failed to write a review on the village pourhouse, I will be most def. be reviewing this beloved street food stand that everyone is talking about. (The Pourhouse had excellent food, by the way, but my gawd was it loud and stuffy in there!! However, they are the only game in town that collects for the MS Foundation so they get a free pass from me. Absolutely try them!!)

I still can't believe I have so many subscribers. And I just learned how many of you awesome folks have commented on my inane shit while I was away being too poor to afford internet. So I'll try to give you something worthwhile to comment on. Seriously, thank you. You guys kick ass.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Joe Shanghai's owes me a new toilet.

So my love took me out to Joe Shanghai's this week. He had been raving about this place, saying I HAD to try their soup dumplings, they make the best ever. And oh, the dry shredded beef was out of this fucking world. Well, fine. I'm as adventurous a foodie as the next guy, so let's go. Well, we got lucky by getting a table right away because holy shit on wheat toast, was this place overcrowded. In fact, overcrowded is an obcene understatement; it was consistently mobbed from the minute we walked in to the minute we left, which wasn't too far from closing time. It was just a constant, noisy, cramped, loud ass flow of tourists.

Don't get me wrong, there's a reason business is booming- their food is delicious. Greasy, cheap and full of gristle, but delicious. Let me tell you, I've made my own soup dumplings at home, and there's no reason the soup to oil ratio should have been that off-balance. Plus, in recent months due to my diet I've been cutting down on meat.

So as a result, I was very disappointed that they didn't have more vegetarian options. They're known for their soup dumplings and they don't have a Veggie variety? Exponential fail, guys. I can go across the street from my house and get a half dozen real, fresh Veggie dumplings sans the grease for less than half what you charge for your pork and immitation seafood aborted love child slop. What the hell are you so afraid of vegetarian options for? You can totally load up a Veggie dumplings with just as much grease and charge just as much as you do your other two flavors. And yeah, the selection was far from vast, but I eventually decided on the fried Veggie rice cake. It wasn't at all what I expected. I was hoping for more of a rice pancake with veggies in it,  but instead got a Veggie and rice coin stir-fry with tofu. That was the only part I didn't eat. Still tasty, but still grease-laden as fuck. Its no goddamn wonder my stomach is being torn to ribbons today. Ugh.

On a good note, the red bean shortcake, which again is mislabeled, was very, very good. Its a puff pastry with azuki bean paste that's lava-hot, coated with black toasted sesame seeds on the bottom and absolutely worth burning the shit out of your tongue on. I would make the trip back to chinatown and have the hershey squirts all over again just for another one of those puppies... but like, I live in Brooklyn so I don't have to. Best part? The places around here won't make me sick as a dog!

Bottom line, if you want good Chinese food, especially if you're watching your weight, stay the hell away from Joe Shanghai's. And for Fuck's sake, don't take everything you see on yelp.com as gospel.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


I got the blogger app for my new smartphone and I think maybe it will allow me to post on here more often. Anyway, I just tried Dulche de Leche Cheerios with chocolate almond milk. A relationship built to last, and if you haven't already tried it, you are wasting your life. That is all for now.